Do I have chocolate on my teeth?

Even if you’re not a huge fan of fried food, even if you truly do make it a habit to limit sweets in your daily diet, even if you are NOT a self-declared chocoholic, you still ought to occasionally give in to the urge, and grant yourself the unparalleled, no redeeming social value, yummy indulgence of a chocolate glazed donut.  To have a cake donut or a glazed donut should not even be a consideration.  For sheer sensory pleasure, for the creamy, melty mouth-feel, the sticky residue on the fingers (which can only be satisfactorily removed by tenderly licking each digit clean), for the richness of two sugary coatings, first of the original glaze, then the chocolate crown, there is no substitute.

Under the warm light of the baked goods cabinet, lit by the flourescent overhead glare, sinking into the saccharine aroma that led you, without resistance, into the donut shop in the first place, the initial step is to place your order, simply but firmly:  One chocolate glazed donut, please.  This must occur before noon, while your hapless prey is still at her fresh and fluffy best.  After selecting your quarry, take a moment to linger over the perfection; notice the glisten, the sheen on the dark and tempting glaze, cherish the grease spot beginning to form on your napkin, and simply inhale that heady, gonna’ need a toothbrush-sweet olfactory tease heading straight toward you.  Are you drooling yet?

That’s enough torture; go on, take your first bite.  Carefully note the coating on your tongue and teeth after you swallow; it just enhances the memory of that fleeting pleasure as the gooey dough dissolves in your mouth, pulling you in for the next bite, the next hit of sweet chocolove.  All too soon, your donut will be extinct.  After you bid that final morsel a reluctant farewell, it is permissible to lick any escaped chocolate from the orphaned napkin, and it is likewise highly advised that you do lick your fingers, and finally, your lips.  Who knows when you’ll get to do this again?  Don’t waste a molecule of the experience.  And never fear what others will think:  This is your treat, this is your life.    Plus, etiquette really has no place in a discussion of how to eat fried sugar bombs, wouldn’t you agree? 

One more thing – next time, can I join you?

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